Ringggggg….
On the other end of the line comes a groggy voice.
“Hello.”
I’m in high spirits, after all I spent the entire week lounging at home. I pick up my tone a notch. Hey buttercups, how are you? I get the walled and abrupt answer…
“I am fine“.
That wasn’t very welcoming. I just wanted to wish you a good morning. And then comes the rush of emotions. The dude on the other end goes into ranting mode…phew! I thought I was the ranter. He says
“What’s good about it? I have had it with this OKADA BAN. Hian! Fashola no try at all. I don’t even know where to begin.
I had a sinking feeling that all my hard earned cash was going to be spent on this chap alone. Oh well let’s continue listening.
Tope, you know how meticulous I am and you know how I always try to be prompt anytime I have function or meeting, well so far this week all that discipline has been put to shame. Let’s start with MONDAY. I woke up early to meet up with a client in Ikeja. You know I’m a marketer and money won’t come unless I’m on the move. I value my time and it is because of this I left home about 6:30am then it hit me , No Bikes’ aka OKADA. I had to walk about 15 minutes before I saw anything close to being called commercial transport. There was traffic alright, Human bodies!!! I gave myself 5 rounds of slaps, then I realized this was no joke. Long story short, I got to the office 4 hours later and then it’s 8pm came, time to head home, another journey!!!
I tried to offer some sympathy, but he cut me off and continued,
See, I really like Fashola and applaud his vision for Lagos with the whole Mega City pitch, I even gave it another shot on TUESDAY. My destination that day was Lekki. You know that part of town no be small waka. I set out at 5:30am. Being a sharp guy, Mentally, I mapped out my plan to beat traffic and some notorious hotspots on the island whose stock in trade is GO-SLOW. I was really feeling smart with myself. When I got to a spot called Mile 2, na so confusion come catch me. Of course there was no OKADA, as if that is news, but I had it when I realized that there was NO buses going there either. Maybe the current fuel crisis can be blamed for that. I was running behind schedule and getting ticked off.
In anger, I began to walk towards my destination. A good Samaritan picked me up along the way, thank goodness he didn’t request for my head as payment. I was able to cool off, but sat in traffic for another 3 more hours. I didn’t try to think about what the journey back would be like. I did get home safe…at 12 midnight!
Let me give you the statistics I was out of the house for 19 and a half hours and I spent 12 of that in Traffic. Needless to say the OKADA folks would have cut that by a fraction of at least 20% or more. There are so many pros and cons when it comes to OKADAs in Lagos, but is it a wonder that I’m lamenting about one of the pros right now. SPEED!!!
My phone is beeping, Alerting me that my airtime is running out. I tried to warn the dude. It’s time to stop yapping, but he screamed back
“I’m not finished! On WEDNESDAY, my supervisor handed me a query, asking me to explain why I always come late. Is she nuts or does she use voodoo to bypass the traffic? On THURSDAY, it was my turn to drop my little niece off in school, guess what? She got in late. Her teacher threatened to flog her. I did all I could to stop myself from lashing out at the teacher. On FRIDAY, I decided to stay put and set my butt down at home. I’m not moving an inch! I cannot kill myself…”
Beeeeeep! The line cuts off!
This article should have been titled the ranter. Tope, I thought you were the ranter but this guy sabi pass you, anyways this OKADA ban is really a bother. I don’t go anywhere there is no BRT lane anymore, because BRT na hin dey do am now. I try to restrict my movement to just ikorodu road. Whether we like it or not OKADA might not come back oh
That was so funny. I have been on the receiving end of that kind of rant. It’s hard not to laugh while their ranting. I loved the way it ended. I wonder how long he would have continued if you hadn’t run out of airtime… LOL
Okay, that would have been the fun part. Too bad I was on the other end and not able to enjoy the expression he would have had. But the thought…
I can just imagine how he must have looked… too, too funny.
Man, you have the patience of a saint! I think I would have pretended to lose the connection well before Wednesday – tee hee
Actually, I love to rant when I get the chance. Being on the receiving end is not so great though. A rant together is much more fun.
He was just lucky that I had a great day that particular day. Patience is a strange word to me…hehehe!
Hats off to you, Tope! I’d probably have lost my patience and just cut him off and tell him that we can talk some other time. I don’t know. There’s just something about people who do nothing but rant that just suck the life out of me.
Hey hey, but I love ranting too, I promise not to suck the life out of you though
You didn’t even get to say anything! Anyways, this no ‘Okada’ is definitely not helping anything, in Lagos of all places. Governor Fashola, abeg, e jo, please, biko, (Tope, what is please in hausa?); anyways, reinstate the Okada flow in Lagos.
I no sabi oh. Make I google am?
Wow! I can’t imagine having to deal with traffic like that on an ongoing basis! I’ve lived in a rural area for 30 years now and it drives me crazy when I have to sit in traffic. Yesterday was one of those days, when a trip that usually takes me hour hour, took me 1 hour and 45 minutes. Needless to day, I was late for the event, but fortunately … so was our guest speaker as she had been tied up in the same traffic mess!
I certainly enjoyed this rants as I busted out laughing at the end of it. Lagos traffic can be very perplexing.
I’m currently working from home and can definitely say I do not miss traffic, and the traffic in this post is a nightmare! The world needs more ranters. People like you would make Montaigne, the father of the personal essay, proud.
I always try to let friends vent when they need someone to talk to, but when it gets to be a little much I am glad if something interrupts it. I like the way you told this story, and it seems like a very different and interesting life.
All I can say is wow. I have a cousin who comes close but by a distance. thank God for scarce air time, ah?
This was so entertaining to read, and a great style for a blog – read like a novel! You really held your patience through this call. Thanks for the post
I have been caught in traffic like this on the 5 in California between San Clemente and LA. It can be crazy when you move maybe 5 miles in an hour if you are lucky. I feel the ranters frustration.
LOL…I would say dude…take a chill pill:) and hang up!
great writeup and has significant suspense.